Bitch

What a bitchy attitude that cunt got.oh who am i mentioning? An assistant supervisor bitch named nie xun xia.she wants only easy job.just fucking easy.80% of her fucking job i did it for her and am i appreciated? Hell naw! She is a housekeeping department at MDIS residence@stirling. I could care less if anyone read this and let that whore read. Can she even read anyway?since i got here until today i have had it with her.i kept fucking quiet all this time and she drives me like a dog.even a machine knows when to break down bro!she irritate the fuck outta people. Just imagine this..6 fucking partners! I'm the bloody 6th! She drives people like she owns them. It's as if she pays me. Fuck you bitch.queen of fucking acting. Right when she saw the boss came or anyone higher level than her,she kept quiet. This whore is like a fucking cricket. Bitch. Fetch this,fetch that.do this do that.and fucking complain when she was given any hard jobs.urgh! I swear to god one of these days I'm gonna bitch slap the fuck outta her.

Disappearing

And here i was.sitting and moping about shit. Why cant my life be any better?i know..nobody likes me anyway.no one.like why would anyone right?maybe i better off gone. Cut off contact with everybody.i shouldnt really be contacting anyone at all. Not even zack my bff or my boyfriend...boyfriend? Is he really? I know. He hates me and doesnt forgive me yet.he just acted like he does.sometimes it makes me wonder if there is any love between us and does it worth to fight for it anymore? I feel bad enough when he found out about robert. I thought he moved on but it seems all is in vain no?he brings it up. How can i move on and love him the way i was? When i remember what my bff told me and showed me what sam and that cunt ruby is texting? Even asked  her for a photo of her ass and etc..god. The more i talk about this the more I'm in pain.he even recontacted her and told me despite his denial that he said he is bored and i was busy. It hurts so much. Whenever he said work my ass off to get there...what pop into my head is...ruby. He told ruby to come to america and be his maid..all those dirty text he texted her pops into my brain.i never contact robert no more. Under his request. I have pride and honor too. Why cant he understand? Oh pssh..I'm a cunt right? I reallyshould disappear   and cut off all contact with everyone and live in seclusion. I am all alone after all...while I'm at it i should change my number. Sam told his friend rhiannon that he was gonna dump me anyway.it hurts me to the point my soul cease to live.frozen in time where he was a loving and caring man.all those wonderful times together. My soul had died. I really wish i could turn back time.i would do things differently. I tried to commit suicide many times but I'm rescued by my bff. A friend i have no feelings but as a family. It hurts so bad. Does it worth it if i go to america anyway? Will it even change things between us? I dont know. I dont know anymore. We constantly have fights now. And each and every time he said i started it.okay.. Im already hurt losing mika and aida.its not even my fault. Im hurt badly inside. Sadness is..putting a fake smile on your face everyday.i told myself that it will be worth the trouble i'm going through. But every time i do so...i dont succeed. I keep failing. Falling to the ground so bad.why am i suffering so much?i just want him to be here and love me.but...i fail. From what my friend zack told me...i'm his wife spiritually.im happy.really happy.but im also suffering that he is far away.if we aren't meant for each other...i will be the saddest person ever.i wont be in love for as long as i live.i dont see where we are going right now anyway.it seems like something somehow...are meant to separate us. Yes i hate him for leaving back to america.i felt miserable before i step foot in Singapore. And his leaving made his family hates me. Im not 15.i know they hate me. But he denies that his family hates me. He is a FAVORITE in his family. You dont mess with a family favorite. But really...if we are meant to be separated,im

Willing to let him go. After all,im an obstacle in his happiness. I understand. He likes ruby because she is a perfect woman.completely understandable.she can cook,clean,has a steady job,a good woman in his eyes.me? I dont have all that. All i have is my love and loyalty to offer.yes i did screw up one time,im trying my hardest to fix the shit i done.but...its never enough no..?its ok.im willing to back off to let him be happy. Its ok if i suffer...i already have suffer for a long time.i should prepare where im going to live and a new job and a house. Living away from everyone i know. Everyone. I will no longer live in pain and misery. I will no longer be heartbroken.i will live in a new chapter. New storybook of my life. Im just so sick of things...i keep telling myself its fucking alright. Everything is. My life has been nothing but in shambles. My life is a farce. I hate myself so much. I remember feeling this way when Aida...was gone.

When You Love Someone~

Hi Noellites!
I'm so sorry for not writing for quite a while...well...work demands and all that...very tiring indeed.
One must move on no?No work...no money...no money...no honey.I'm just fucking giberish-ing all the time now.Let's get on to the topic shall we?

When you love someone...and you were taught to be loyal...it's difficult ya know...on what point of difficulty ya say?when it comes to distance.yes...distance doesn't matter when two hearts are in love .but it becomes even more difficult when the other 'side' is busy almost all the time and left you fucking lonely.yes...especially when they always have some kind of excuse to make you feel 'toss-aside'.yes...i get that feeling all the time now.but i can't fucking blame him...i mean...yes i do love him...he is my Bf.but he's so far away...i don't really care what he does for a living.even if he's a cosplayer?i don't care!
 Lately he's been making up excuse of all sorts and yes...i do understand that he's busy.because i love him i let him do almost anything he wants.i learned from my lessons of being hurt terribly bad and even had that suicide intent.been there done that.i'm a widow now. for some boys...widows are highly experience bitch.Are we...?and that's not all there is to that.but for my bf?i don't know what am i really to him.

Bored!

Hey Noellites!
how are you guys doing today? i sure hope you're in top condition!well...just like the title says...it's bored. yep...i'm officially bored as fuck.i had no plan whatsoever besides writing in this blog so i wouldn't feel lonely.i haven't been anywhere much today since i'm not working in P hotel..(let's just call it P hotel.) all of this for the sake of my mom who is not well...i love my mom more than anything. yes..she means the world to me. and i'd do anything to protect her even if it cost me my work.yes...things are hard lately but at the moment i'm not ready to talk about it.sometimes i pretend to be asleep but truth is i can't sleep at all.
Some people mistake me for what i do...the fact is...they don't understand what i'm doing.anyway...today my brother offer me to buy his blackberry phone. yes...i want it..but i'm thinking at the moment how the fuck do i pay him back? we had lil discussion and yeah...now i'm the one who can't make up my fucking mind. 

i want his phone due to the fact that it has almost everything i want..but i dunno...maybe i'm being choosy?( choosy bitch!)anyhow....i want to pack my stuff  a bit and i can't delay any longer. i know the fact that going back to P hotel to take my stuff would mark me like a criminal.(so fucking what?)i'm just heading there to take my stuff and if i'm not allowed in i would cause havoc in that fucking hotel.I'm sure 'that' bitch is over the moon hearing i'm no longer work there.i love listening to music. yes i do. but i can't listen to it due to i dun have any device that has bluetooth function.(fucking bluetooth...)my headphone is a bluetooth device that has a pick up the call function too. i couldn't find anyone who wants to buy it so i decided to use it till the end of it's service.anyway...i gotta end it here...till the next time!

Love~
Noelle Jordan

Video making~

Hey Noellites!
I hope you're all fine today? well...recently i saw a lot of videos on youtube and yeah...i gotta admit it...it is fucking awesome! i had this strange urge to suddenly start my own videos. (Can i really do it? am i able to do it?) yeah...they have this amazing transitions,captions,this and that...etc etc etc... but you know...knowing i suck at making videos i decided i should go ahead and try. like hey...why the fuck not?and soon before you know it, i'll be pretty good at it~

My favorite anime at the moment- Hellsing

(though I love Kuroshitsuji~)

My first time trying to make videos!

Hi Noellites! I need your help.do you know what kind of program i could use to edit my videos to make it better? i mean i suck at making videos though. (as you can see) Anyway...if you have any idea on what program i can use or anything please please let me know~ Till the next time!

Love~
Noelle Jordan

The one Dollar tissues!

Hey Noellites!
Guess what? My lil brother came back from work couple of hours ago and he gave me something rather interesting! (for those of you may already have that -meh expression. But for me it is super cute! 

There's only one of these left in the shop where he worked.  The shop itself sell various of items recycled-hey! They're processed to look brand new recycle items you know! My brother knew i was into these kind of things. He gave me the one dollar tissue! 
  Eventually when we went for dinner earlier he showed me and yeah, one of the friendly staff there who knew me as their regular saw the tissue and immediately tore it open and took the tissue out!(lol...i don't even open it yet!) but yeah....he's forgiven since he didn't knew. My brother said it belonged to me and that guy said it's a tissue? i said yeah it is. And yeah...he told us that when money made into a tissue (that you would eventually throw away) he said it's not that very nice. What he said got a point there and my brother look at me and said "yeah, i never actually thought about it," So i told my brother i said before that guy even told me i already knew about the money issue thing.(I can't really explain it in detail-I'll make up for it next time)
 So off we went home -paid the food and everything.
So yeah...i was very very happy when i got it. i wouldn't use it even during emergencies. Nope, not gonna use it at all. I got to go now Noellites and yeah! Those of you who want to chat with me live do leave me a comment and your Skype name, and I'll get back to you! Till next time!

Love~
Noelle Jordan